The Darkness of Myste

[NothingButANobody]

First fanfic dont hold back on critisism!
The mysterious city known only to those who live there, or accidentaly stumbled their way into it, as Myste, a city located on the mysterious Bermuda Triangle. This is where those involved in the stange dissapearances went to. The inhabitants live their lives as we do, as they run their Democracy, they have an ever hidden secret, how they keep themselves hidden, and one fateful day, that secret begun to unravel.....
End of Prolouge
its much better than the original prolouge, dont ya think?

[NothingButANobody]

Chapter 1
Cynder Eexiron was beginning his average day. He had always been interested in swordplay, so in 8th grage one of his teachers recommended swordplay for him in high school.He was rather short for the age of 14, however, it served as an advantage for him in swordplay, as he can dodge the opponent's strikes much easier than most others. He was facing his gym coach in his final exam for the year.Coach Harley was about 1 foot taller than Cynder, making him a difficult opponent for most. Coach jabbed at Cynder's chest, but was far too late, Cynder had already rolled behind him. Cynder leaped into the air, and attempted to strike at Coach's chest, but Coach had no trouble parryed it. Coach then attempted a Riposte, an immmediate counter-attack following a parry.Cynder parryed his attack, but just barely. Attempting a riposte of his own, Cynder swung at Coach's helmet, knocking it clean off.
" Impressive, Cynder" Coach said,"now, go remove your helmet and head to the locker room, i will tell you your grade later"
"yessir!" Cynder replyed, removing his helmet. His normally curly hazel brown hair was now matted down and blackened with sweat.His Brownish- grey eyes suggested that he was tired. Donning his mustard yellow jacket, his dark blue pants, and his hazel brown shoes, he headed into his 2nd period class, study hall.
" Late as always, eh Cynder?" said a voice from behind. It was Eeden Gresst, Cynder's childhood friend and rival.
"At least i'm not that odd guy who is early to all his classes.", Cynder snapped
"Hey, no need to get all angry, Cynder, after all, you are the one who wears a yellow jacket all hours of the day!" Eeden was a rather cocky person, he always glared at the people he was talking to with his blue-green eyes, and the first thing people notice about him would be his seemingly shiny silver-white hair."Let's just sit down already!" Cynder was exausted, he could hardly stand up, so he needed to hurry and find a place to rest.
After sitting down Eeden asked:
"hey, Cynder, have you studied for today's S.T.E.A.L.T.H test yet?" S.T.E.A.L.T.H tests were run by the government of Myste, for a reason unknown to Cynder and Eeden.
"WHAT?"Cynder yelled"They're TODAY?!"
"Yeah, Cynder, you forgot again, didn't you?" Cynder constantly forgot things important like this,after all, the only things on his mind were Swordplay, and girls.
"you think?"Cynder replyed.
" Told you Swordplay was a bad idea",Eeden jeered,"After all, your parents wanted you to be in an honest proffesion, such as a secretary, or a principal, or a lawyer, or a teacher, or a - Hey, Cynder, are you paying attention? Ugh! I hate it when people do this!" Cynder, like usual, and like most people, had fallen asleep when Eeden was lecturing him, but when Eeden gets started, he doesn't stop untill the person admits they were wrong, and he was right.
" Sigh, here we go again, Ugh, I hate violence but-"Eeden hardly kicked Cynder in the shin, but what made it hurt was that Eeden always wore a pair of steel-toe boots, "you can never be too careful!"he had said to Cynder one time in 1st grade.
"AAAH!" Cynder yelled, "why the heck did you do that!!"
"look", Eeden said, pointing towards the clock,"you have 5 minutes before homeroom, and that is no time to be sleeping!", he said, calmly.
"uh", a friend of Cynder's, Isayah, had come up to him. He was the tallest person in the school, and even taller with his rather small black afro. " you know that clock is 4 minutes and 30 seconds late, right?", he said, his Dark brown eyes pierceing into Cynder.
"Crap!" Cynder said as the bell rang" good luck on the test, you two! I doubt you'll need it!", he said as he ran towards the hardest test of his life.
End of Chapter 1
Any critisim, any at all helps

[Leonardo]

Very well done!
I can only see small editing problems with spaces in the wrong place by other then that it's really good. Keep up the good work. I love the prologue, very mysterious